In some cultures, the concept of friendship is restricted to a small number of very deep relationships; in others, such as the U.S. and Canada, a person could have many friends, and perhaps a more intense relationship with one or two people, who may be called good friends or best friends. Other colloquial terms include besties or Best Friends Forever (BFFs). Although there are many forms of friendship, certain features are common to many such bonds, such as choosing to be with one another, enjoying time spent together, and being able to engage in a positive and supportive role to one another.
Friendship has been studied in academic fields, such as communication, sociology, social psychology, anthropology, and philosophy. Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, including social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles.
Building friendships in childhood can help develop social skills like empathy and openness.
The understanding of friendship by children tends to be focused on areas such as common activities, physical proximity, and shared expectations. Such friendships provide opportunity for playing and practicing self-regulation. Most children tend to describe friendship in terms of things like sharing, and children are more likely to share with someone they consider to be a friend. As children mature, they become less individualized and are more aware of others. They gain the ability to empathize with their friends, and enjoy playing in groups. They also experience peer rejection as they move through the middle childhood years. Establishing good friendships at a young age helps a child to be better acclimated in society later on in their life.
Based upon the reports of teachers and mothers, 75% of preschool children had at least one friend. This figure rose to 78% through the fifth grade, as measured by co-nomination as friends, and 55% had a mutual best friend. About 15% of children were found to be chronically friendless, reporting periods of at least six months without mutual friends.
Sometimes friends are distinguished from family, as in the saying "friends and family", and sometimes from lovers (e.g., "lovers and friends"), although the line is blurred with friends with benefits. Similarly, being in the friend zone describes someone who is restricted from rising from the status of friend to that of lover.
Friendships in childhood can assist in the development of certain
skills, such as building empathy and learning different problem
solving techniques. Coaching from parents can help children make
friends. Eileen Kennedy-Moore describes three key ingredients of
children's friendship formation: (1) openness, (2) similarity, and (3)
shared fun. Parents can also help children understand social
guidelines they haven't learned on their own. Drawing from research by
Robert Selman and others, Kennedy-Moore outlines developmental stages
in children's friendship, reflecting an increasing capacity to
understand others' perspectives: "I Want It My Way", "What's In It For
Me?", "By the Rules", "Caring and Sharing", and "Friends
Through Thick
and Thin."
In adolescence, friendships become "more giving,
sharing, frank, supportive, and spontaneous." Adolescents tend to seek
out peers who can provide such qualities in a reciprocal relationship,
and to avoid peers whose problematic behavior suggests they may not be
able to satisfy these needs.[12] Particular personal characteristics
and dispositions are also features sought by adolescents, when
choosing whom to begin a friendship with. During adolescence,
friendship relationships are more based on similar morals and values,
loyalty, and shared interests than those of children, whose
friendships stem from being in the same vicinity and access to
playthings.
A large study of American adolescents determined how
their engagement in problematic behavior (such as stealing, fighting,
and truancy) was related to their friendships. Findings indicated that
adolescents who were less likely to engage in problematic behavior had
friends who did well in school,
participated in school activities,
avoided drinking, and had good mental health. The opposite was true of
adolescents who did engage in problematic behavior. Whether
adolescents were influenced by their friends to engage in problem
behavior depended on how much they were exposed to those friends, and
whether they and their friendship groups "fit in" at school.
Friendships formed during post-secondary education last longer than
friendships formed earlier. In late adolescence, cross-racial
friendships tend to be uncommon, likely due to prejudice and cultural
differences.
Friendship in adulthood provides companionship,
affection, and emotional support, and contributes positively to mental
well-being and improved physical health.
Adults may find it
particularly difficult to maintain meaningful friendships in the
workplace. "The workplace can crackle with competition, so people
learn to hide vulnerabilities and quirks from colleagues. Work
friendships often take on a transactional feel; it is difficult to say
where networking ends and real friendship begins." Many adults value
the financial well-being and security that their job provides more
than developing friendships with coworkers.
2,000 American adults
surveyed had an average of two close friends, defined as "people they
had 'discussed important matters' with in the past six months".
Numerous studies with adults suggest that friendships and other
supportive relationships enhance self-esteem.[20]
Older adults
report high levels of personal satisfaction in their friendships as
they age, even as the overall number of friends tends to decline. This
satisfaction is associated[clarification needed] with an increased
ability to accomplish activities of daily living, as well as a reduced
decline in cognitive abilities, decreased instances of
hospitalization, and better outcomes related to
rehabilitation. The
overall number of reported friends in later life may be mediated by
increased lucidity, better speech and vision, and marital status. A
decline in the number of friends an individual has as they become
older has been explained by Carstensen's Socioemotional Selectivity
Theory, which describes a change in motivation that adults experience
when socializing. The theory states that an increase in age is
characterized by a shift from information-gathering to emotional
regulation; in order to maintain positive emotions, older adults
restrict their social groups to those with whom they share an
emotional bond.
within the past four decades has now consistently
found that older adults reporting the highest levels of happiness and
general well being also report strong, close ties to numerous friends.
As family responsibilities and vocational pressures lessen,
friendships become more important. Among the elderly, friendships can
provide links to the larger community, serve as a protective factor
against depression and loneliness, and compensate for potential losses
in social support previously given by family members. Especially for
people who cannot go out as often, interactions with friends allow for
continued societal interaction. Additionally, older adults in
declining health who remain in contact with friends show improved
psychological well-being.
Forming and maintaining friendships often
requires time and effort.
Friendships are foremost formed by
choice, typically on the basis that the parties involved admire each
other on an intimate level, and enjoy commonality and socializing.
Most people underestimate how
much other people like them. The liking
gap can make it difficult to form friendships.
According to
communications professor Jeffery Hall, most friendships involve
tacitly agreed-upon expectations in six different areas:
The
friends genuinely like each other, and are not merely pretending to
like each other for the purpose of social climbing or some other
desired benefit.
The friends feel that they can discuss topics of
deep personal significance.
The friends help each other in
practical ways. For example, a friend might drive another friend to
the airport.
The friends have similar worldviews. For example, they
might have the same culture, class, religion, or life experiences.
The friends believe that it is fun and easy to spend time together.
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The friends have valuable information, skills, or resources that they
can share with each other. For example, a friend with business
connections might know when a desirable job will be available, or a
wealthy friend might pay for an expensive experience.
Not all
relationships have the same balance of each area. For example, women
may prefer friendships that emphasize genuine positive regard and
deeper self-disclosure, and men may prefer friendships with a little
more agency.
People with certain types of developmental disorders
may struggle to make and maintain friendships. This is especially true
of children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD),
autism spectrum disorders, or children with Down syndrome.
The
Persian god Mithra, of covenants, light, oaths, justice, the sun,
contracts, and friendship.
Studies found that strong social
supports improve a person's prospects for good health and longevity.
Conversely, loneliness and a lack of social supports are linked to an
increased risk of heart disease, viral infections, and cancer, as well
as higher mortality rates overall. Researchers termed friendship
networks a "behavioral vaccine" that boosts both physical and mental
health.
A large body of research links friendship and health, but
the precise reasons for the connection remain unclear. Most studies in
this area are large prospective studies that follow people over time,
and while there may be a correlation between the two variables
(friendship and health status), researchers still do not know if there
is a cause and effect relationship (such as: good friendships improve
health). Theories that attempt to explain this link include that good
friends encourage their friends to lead more healthy lifestyles; that
good friends encourage their friends to seek help and access services
when needed; that good friends enhance their friends' coping skills in
dealing with illness and other health problems; and that good friends
actually affect physiological pathways that are protective of health.
Lack of friendship plays a role in increasing risk of suicidal
ideation among female adolescents. This is also true for having more
friends who are not themselves friends with one another. However, no
similar effect was observed for males. Having few or no friends is a
major indicator in the diagnosis of a range of mental disorders.
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Higher friendship quality directly contributes to self-esteem,
self-confidence, and social development. A World Happiness Database
study found that people with close friendships are happier, although
the absolute number of friends did not increase happiness. Other
studies suggested that children who have friendships of a high quality
may be protected against the development of certain disorders, such as
anxiety and depression. Conversely,
having few friends is associated
with dropping out of school, as well as aggression, adult crime, and
loneliness. is also associated with lower later aspiration in the
workforce and participation in social activities, while higher levels
of friendship were associated with higher adult self-esteem.
Having more close friends is correlated with improved mental health
and cognitive ability. However, this association stops once around
five friends is reached, after which having more friends is no longer
linked to better mental health and is correlated with lower cognition.
Additionally, people with few or many friends had more symptoms of
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and were less able to
learn from their experiences.
Friendships may end. This is often
the result of natural changes over time, as friends grow more distant
both physically and emotionally, but it can also be the result of a
sudden shock, such as learning that a friend holds incompatible
values.
Social media posts may encourage confrontations akin to a
workplace performance appraisal, in which one person tells a friend
that they are dissatisfied and threatens to break off the relationship
if the friend does not conform to their expectations. Another option
would be for the dissatisfied person to look for another friend who
can meet the unmet need. For example, if someone is dissatisfied
because a friend does not plan events, then that person could find a
second friend, someone who enjoys planning events, instead of
rejecting the first friend for not being able to single-handedly meet
all of their needs.
The dissolution of a friendship may be taken
personally as a rejection. Disruptions of friendships are associated
with increased guilt, anger, and depression, and may be highly
stressful events, especially in childhood. However, potential negative
effects can be mitigated if the dissolution of a friendship is
replaced with another close relationship.
Friends tend to be
similar to one another in terms of age, gender, behavior, substance
abuse, personal disposition, and academic performance. In ethnically
diverse countries, children and adolescents tend to form friendships
with others of the same race or ethnicity, beginning in preschool, and
peaking in middle or late childhood. As a result of social separation
and confinement of the sexes, friendships between men and women have
little presence in recorded history, having only become a widely
accepted practice in the 20th century.
In general, girl-girl
friendship interactions among children tend to focus on interpersonal
connections and mutual support. In contrast, boy-boy interaction tends
to be more focused on social status, and may
discourage the expression
of emotional needs. Girls report more anxiety, jealousy, and
relational victimization and less stability related to their
friendships. Boys, on the other hand, report higher levels of physical
victimization. Nevertheless, boys and girls tend to report relative
satisfaction levels with their friendships.
Women tend to be more
expressive and intimate in their same-sex friendships and have a
smaller range of friends. Men are more likely to define intimacy in
terms of shared physical experiences. In contrast, women are more
likely to define it in terms of shared emotional ones. Men are less
likely to make emotional or personal disclosures to other men because
the other man could use this information against them. However, they
will disclose this information to women (as they are not in
competition with them), and men tend to regard friendships with women
as more meaningful, intimate, and pleasant. Male-male friendships are
generally more like alliances, while female-female friendships are
much more attachment-based.[clarification needed] This also means that
the end of male-male friendships tends to be less emotionally
upsetting than that of female-female friendships.
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Women tend to be
more socially adept than their male peers, among older adults. As a
result, many older men may rely upon a female companion, such as a
spouse, to compensate for their comparative lack of social skills. One
study found that women in Europe and North America were slightly more
likely than men to self-report having a best friend.
Which
relationships count as a true friend, rather than as an acquaintance
or a co-worker, vary by culture. In English-speaking cultures, it is
not unusual for people to include weaker relationships as being
friends. In other cultures, such as the Russian and Polish cultures,
only the most significant relationships are considered friends. A
Russian might have one or two friends plus a large number of "pals" or
acquaintances; a Canadian in similar circumstances might count all of
these relationships as being friends.
In Western cultures,
friendships are often seen as lesser to familial or romantic
relationships. Friendships in Ancient Greece were more utilitarian
than affectionate, being based upon obligation and reliance, though
they held a broad view on the variance of friendship Aristotle wrote
of there being three kinds of friendships: those in recognition of
pleasure, those in recognition of advantage, and those in recognition
of virtue.
When discussing taboos of friendship it was found that
Chinese respondents found more than their British counterparts.
Friendship is found among animals of higher intelligence, such as
higher mammals and some birds.
Cross-species friendships are common
between humans and domestic animals, such as a pet snake.
Cross-species friendships may also occur between two non-human
animals, such as dogs and cats.